Snowed in

We have had 2 days of being stuck inside. Yesterday it snowed all day long. Then the temps dropped. It's been in the negative here. I have cleaned every corner of the condo and done all the laundry. I have read a book and napped. I    may actually be Looking forward to going to work tomorrow. I do like a clean home but I also like to be able to leave when I please. 

We are dog sitting for a friend. The boys have made a fort in his crate. I colored my hair.  I have decided blonde is not really my thing. So back to dark. Of course my hair turns red whenever I color it. So I am a bit of a redhead. 

I have a week and a half left until I am 31. This makes me officially in my 30's. When did I become a grown up???!!!

Mom truth

This post is something that has been weighing on my mind lately. Being a mom. No one told me how hard it would be. I was the little girl who loved playing house and dolls. I loves watching my parents' friends kids. I always wanted to be a mom. When I was pregnant with Jaxon, I was excited to finally have a baby all my own. A baby to hold and snuggle and feed. Little did I know Jaxon didn't want to be held unless he was moving. He never snuggled and the boy ate, only to vomit 10 minutes later. It was beyond stressful. 

11 years later and I feel like I have a handle on the stress part of it, and I get kicked in the face again. This past year we have struggled. Not only me, but my children. Tim and I were separated. Jaxon's dad has also been seperated from his wife. This has proven to be hard on Jaxon.  He is my bright kid. The one who gets up and actually likes to go to school. The one who has gotten straight A's for 3 years in a row. Now he only has one A. I am not disappointed in him. I am in me. He's suffering. I am going to help him focus on himself and school for the next few weeks.

Serena is also struggling. She has always been a slower reader. I have read with her and worked with her. While everyone else is moving forward I feel like Rena is stuck. She is also not picking up other things. I am having a hard time dealing with this. I want to deny that there is something wrong, but in my gut I know there is. She has issues with her behavior and know with learning. I want to help her. I don't know where to start. I am going to talk to her teacher and her doctor and see what the next steps are. She already receives speech therapy and is in a special reading group at school. I am going to get all the help that she needs. 

Being a mom is hard as hell. Even after learning this the hard way I wouldn't trade them for anything. We'll maybe my 19 year old body and millions of dollars. I kid I kid!!

Clean out the fridge day

Weird title huh? It's what happened at work the other day. You know where you go through the fridge and get rid of the food er science projects in the fridge. I had things in there I don't even remember putting in there. Left over fast food, left over dinner. Frozen meals from who knows when. Cleared it out. It's very refreshing. It's clean it's empty. It's ready for new and fresh things. I am like that fridge. I have some things inside that I need to get out. Some old things that I don't know why I am still holding onto then. And some things I don't remember why I have them. So I am comparing my self to a refrigerator. Out with the old. Bad negative thoughts. In with new fresh ideas. New challenges. Going to go to the gym tonight. That monstor cardio machine that I dread getting on cuz I can't crank out more than 10 minutes without wanting to call a medic? Yea I am going to kick its ass tonight!!!!

2014

Happy New Year! A little late, like always. I am going to be honest, 2013 was a shitty year. Full of insecurities and bad decisions. I questioned myself too much and had high expectations. In my 30th year I had to let go of what I "thought" my life should have been. The process was long and painful. In doing so, I realized that I am extremely happy with the life I do have. Yep it needs some tweaking. I am forever on a journey of learning. 

I do however have many blessings to be thankful for. I have 3 beautiful children. And 3 stepchildren. That I almost let out of my life. I also realized that I have a wonderful husband. And with some work from both of us we can live a happy healthy life. 

So this year is my year. Many good changes. A more positive outlook. I stopped drinking soda. I am changing the way I am eating too. 

I am trying to be more patient as a wife and especially as a mother. I know this will not happen over night. I am ok with that. I am setting a good example for my children. 

Here are a few pictures from the holiday season. 

I am loving life. Soaking it all in.